This is going to be a blog type post. So, although most people who read this will be used to my nonchalant attitude towards grammar and any sort of editorial standard….Just know that this will be particularly laissez-faire.
I guess why I’m writing unfiltered in this way, is so that I can process a feeling I’ve had in real time. I also happen to be experiencing that rare moment where I want to share it publicly too.
A lot of people ask me to consider writing a book. It’s something I do think about a lot. I’m over the insecurity about writing well to be honest, I know that with the right editor it would be a decent read. Plus, I’m fucking funny and I have a lot of content that is genuinely interesting lol. Not just because it’s so ridiculously outlandish, but also because there’s a lot I’ve learnt through just being me, I guess, and it’s through speaking to other people that it’s become clear to me that there’s value to others outside of myself in sharing what I learn.
So when I really got into what resides at the centre of why I struggle to take my life and my achievements seriously, that’s where I discover my darkest self. The self that I’ve hidden away even from my own view. The self that doesn’t want to be seen, because they believe they are too ugly, stupid, overwhelming, difficult, complicated and just generally way too much. The self that I’ve suffocated with the words that have been told to me, that have now become permanent lodgers in my mind and spirit and taken on my own voice. Or, just the voices I believed. I believed so much in, I thought they must be right about who I am. Or, if I’m completely honest, I cared enough about what they thought that it mattered to me to be what was acceptable to them. It mattered to me to get their validation so much so, that I was prepared to abandon my truth for their lies
I was prepared to compromise.
But I don’t want to do that anymore.
I don’t want to compromise.
I want to thrive.
