So, last year December I went to spend some time on a farm in Chattahoochee and also with a Black farmer in ATL.
Both experiences drove home for me that where I am most at peace, is when I’m near / amongst nature.
It made me want to bring nature home with me and so I did, by way of seeds harvested from the Black farmer, but also, in spirit.
Last year transformed me spiritually. I learnt that soil is life. And that life is about decay and renewal. To live, is to allow things to die.
So, with that new understanding, I am recognising that I am in my time of decay.
I don’t know how long I have been in it, but so much of me is rotting away and I know that isn’t a particularly pretty analogy, but as the best soil is birthed from decay, so i imagine this stage of my life is setting the scene for fertile ground for new life to grow.
It means letting go of things that I’ve considered fundamental parts of who I am. It means giving myself permission to let go of anything that doesn’t serve me, so that it can truly transform in the way it needs to. It means composting lol.
Letting all sorts of things, which may otherwise appear to be rubbish, come together and be renewed by worms and all forms of microbes and bacteria.
And, in doing so, allowing for living nutritious soil to emerge from all that decay.
But that soil, that’s just the beginning.
I think for many of us, we have been conditioned to believe that in times where we are losing parts of ourselves, or even all of ourselves, that we must seek meaning in it, because if we don’t, then it’s not worth it at all.
That periods of instability are fruitless.
Well, they are.
Decay in of itself is not the beginning of life.
Decay is simply part of the journey.
Once your dirt has finished composting, and you are left with rich soil, you then need to use that soil to grow things.
You need to sow seeds.
And not only do you need to sow these seeds, you need to nurture and care for them through seasons.
And in those seasons, you won’t be able to save every seed.
That’s fine though, because soil is abundant, there’s always much more to harvest than you need anyway.
I’m realising that I tend to plant seeds from a place of scarcity, not abundance.
I also get so upset about the seeds that don’t grow into plants, rather than pay attention to all the seeds that are!
It’s okay if some of the seeds you sow don’t make it.
It’s okay if you lose whole crops sometimes, because that’s going to happen and you know what, that loss can be your new compost for new soil and for another attempt at growth and harvest.
And also, know that in times of decay, it is a natural part of the process of abundant life.
You don’t need to make sense of the decay, you just need to be prepared to sow different seeds, grow life that makes you happy, see them through different seasons, harvest and eat abundantly and in joy.
Also, know that even in decay there is LIFE. There is soooo much life.
So even in the decay, know that you are bursting with energy and vibrancy and the more you believe it that, the more you don’t just see difficult times in your life as dirty.
The more you see it for what it truly is.